Adapted from an article by Narelle Worboys published in October, 1996.
Am I lonely?
Why am I lonely?
How can I stop being lonely?
"Am I lonely?" may seem like a silly question, but it’s not. Some people don’t realize the problem is loneliness; they think they are bored. Maybe they are; it’s logical to feel bored if you have no-one to do things with. Then again, some people live in a crowd; loneliness seems illogical if there are lots of people around. Try these on for size:
“I’m a home-schooler and I live in a large family. But I’m still lonely!”
“I’ve got lots of friends, but I’m still lonely.”
“I have to look after the little kids all the time. There’s no-one else around that is my age.”
“I go to clubs and things, but no-one else thinks like I do.”
Second question: Why am I lonely?
Man was made for companionship. Genesis 2:18 says, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone . . .” God knows the importance of friends. He understands our need. There are many Scriptures that refer to friends and friendship.
Proverbs 12:25 — “Heaviness in the heart of a man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.” We need encouragement. We need to be uplifted by good conversation.
Proverbs 27:9 — “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.” Have you tasted of the joy of “taking sweet counsel together” (Ps. 55:14)? Ointment and perfume were expensive and precious.
Proverbs 27:17 — “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpenteth the countenance of his friend.” I know that it is because of my friends that I have become aware of faults and have been able to start working on them.
Proverbs 27:19 — “As in water face answereth to face, so the heart of man to man.” So when we look at each other, we’re looking in a mirror: same joys, same heartaches, same problems, same tears. Empathy.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 — “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Look at the pictures behind these words: companionship; support; the warmth of togetherness; peace-making; strength.
We ask, if God knows my need for a friend, why doesn’t He do something about it? At such times we should remember the verses in Ecclesiastes chapter three that tell us God makes all things beautiful in His time. I’ve not had to exist all my life without any friends; God knew when my need was greatest, and sent me friends to encourage me. I had to learn, though, that it was not by my will but by His that I must live.
Perhaps you are sick of the phrase “God knows best”; the truth is He does. It is not for us to command the seasons and the times. We may ask Him for what we need, but we must accept that He will do it in His time.
I found being a home-schooler very lonely. However, if I had gone to a public school, I don’t believe I would have been any less lonely than what I was as a home-schooler; it just wouldn’t have been as obvious. We look at others who go to school who seem to always have friends around them and who are always doing something or going somewhere, but I have discovered that very few of those “friends” are discreet, forgiving, tactful, or sincere. I wouldn't want to have people around me – who claimed they were my friends – who were not any of those things. Yes, I would much rather have no friends than have bad friends. The people we mix with have a great influence on us: on our attitudes, our beliefs, our thoughts. If we are to walk with God to the best of our ability, it is extremely important who we keep company with. So I was lonely, and it was horrid.
There is always a purpose to God’s plans. He never does something just for the sake of doing it. God’s desire is that we seek companionship in Him. He said in Proverbs 8:31b, “. . . my delights were with the sons of men.” God made us for fellowship with Him. (We can see the depth of His desire in the Cross; Christ had to be sacrificed so that man would no longer be separated from God, but could again have fellowship with Him.) If this pre-designed purpose of fellowship is not fulfilled, we have a “God-shaped” vacuum within us (ever heard preachers talk about that?).
Because I was at home and so much of the time by myself (I didn’t get on very well with my sisters then) I began to find my refuge in God. As I began to make an effort to get to know God, and to model the way I lived on Christ, I began to see a purpose in my being alone. If I had had lots of people around me to keep me busy and to keep my attention on having fun and enjoying myself, etc., I would not have seen my need for God, or felt that I was dependent on Him. I would have been constantly distracted, and getting to know the best Friend anyone could ever have would not have seemed so important.
Let’s think on Moses. He spent 40 years alone in the desert. Think of it! This was the time when he was getting to know God, and was building on his faith that would need to be so strong in the future. In the desert, with all other distractions removed, his faith would have been strengthened; he would have depended on God for his provision and for his companionship. I believe it is because of those 40 years that Moses had so much power, and it was because of the habits built into those 40 years that Moses is called the “Friend of God” (James 2:23).
Let’s think of John the Baptist. Luke 1:76-80 prophesies of the task John was to do, and says that as he grew, he became strong in spirit, and was in the deserts till the day of his showing unto Israel (which we know was just over thirty years after Christ’s birth). Think on it. Do you think there is a connection between being strong in spirit and being alone?
Let’s think on David. He spent hours and hours alone as a boy, with only sheep for company (how inspiring). As a man, David also spent many hours, many days in hiding, in fear for his life. So what does one do when there is nothing to do?
God’s purpose is so very evident in the lives of these great people. I believe His purpose is the same today for lonely homeschoolers. Where did Moses get his power? Where did David get those awesome Psalms which have blessed millions of people, and for which he will forever be remembered? Where did John get the toughness and durability of character that were to see him through his difficult few years of fame? I believe they got them when they were alone with God.
And now, the third question. How can I stop being lonely? Some of the answers to this may seem trite, but they are rooted in biblical principles which promise to bring God's blessing. Dig deep into these and you may be suprised at what you find.
- Be friends with your parents and your siblings. God sets the solitary in families. I recommend VisionaryDaughters.com for giving a glorious perspective on the possiblities of family relationships.
- Minister to the needs of those around you, whether it's your family, your neighbours, members of your church, unsaved shoppers at the local mall, or a retirement home down the road.
- Subscribe to a magazine (online or real mail) which promotes and encourages Biblical womanhood. Write to the girls whose names and contact details are provided therein. Suggestions include "Hopechest Magazine" (published in USA) or "Whatsoever Magazine" (published in Australia). They both distribute world-wide. Online magazines include "Issacharian Daughters" (editor on sabbatical till June 2008, but website offers plenty of good fodder). If you know of any other publication of excellence, please do let me know.
There is no guarantee that will insure us against ever being lonely. I believe God allows us to be lonely to strengthen our relationship with Him. There is a song that begins, “He is my everything, He is my all.”
Christ is the only person who can ever fully satisfy you. When we learn to immerse ourselves in Christ (remember, it is no longer I that liveth, but Christ that liveth in me — Gal. 2:20), He becomes our ‘everything’ and our ‘all’. Richard Wurmbrand wrote, “Some know Christ only as their Saviour. That is like knowing someone only as one’s dentist.” Do you know Christ as your Friend?
May you, like Moses, become a Friend of God.
Copyright © 2002 by Narelle Worboys
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